[He has never so much as thought of doing anything wrong even once in his life! That said, he's firing off a few texts, and then:]

Good news, good news! You can stay with us for the night! And I'll be sure to make it a "for more than one night" arrangement if you find it palatable, so you won't have to worry about becoming a dust bunny in the corner.

[He is so confident in his bartering skills.]